tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21156520476674139242024-03-13T08:33:09.153-04:00Just Elephants and ButterfliesMeganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.comBlogger67125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-45977039311327180042015-05-09T17:39:00.001-04:002015-05-10T03:27:40.529-04:00happy Mother's Day <div style="text-align: center;">
Before I knew it...I was eating my single slice cake from wal mart and crying into it. Happy Mother's Day to the bereaved mothers... Let them eat cake.</div>
Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-6996522998824483752014-10-17T17:53:00.004-04:002014-10-17T17:53:29.769-04:00October<div style="text-align: center;">
October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. This month mean so much to me because not only is it awareness for that, but the last week of October is EB awareness week. </div>
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<u><strong>I want to talk about pregnancy and infant loss.</strong></u></div>
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When it comes to <strong><u>infant loss</u></strong>, everyone knows you are pregnant and in most cases, everyone is expecting a healthy baby to arrive. When the baby is born, the baby could be as expected, completely healthy, or the baby could have more complications. There are many reasons as to way a baby may pass away, such as: <strong>SIDS, Genetic disease or disorders, infections, heart defects, prematurity, car accidents, and even shaken baby syndrome</strong>, to name a few. No matter the reason, losing a child is a very difficult process to go through. one day <u>you seem completely fine</u>, then suddenly you are crying because you saw baby clothing while getting groceries at the store. There are lots of triggers to a bereaved mother that <u>no one understand besides a fellow bereaved mother</u>. Those around the bereaved who do not understand and make the mother feel as if she is forced to do things she is not ready for will only make her grief and depression worse. <strong>Take time to listen to the mother</strong>, there are silent things she endures every day that she may not discuses so she can appear strong, so she can try and be happy, so she can move foreword and not dwell. What ever her reason may be <u>take her feelings into consideration</u>. If talk of babies make her uncomfortable,<u> try not to bring up the discussion of babies</u>, as this will only make her focus more on her own baby. Go at Mommy's pace. When she feels ready to talk about babies, then let her speak and get the emotions out. Letting Mommy talk is the best thing for her. When a bereaved mother talks about her loss, <strong>its much more then her just sharing her emotions</strong>, she is acting as a<u> voice for the baby</u>, and <u>not letting him go forgotten.</u> For a bereaved mother, talking is so more complex then what anyone understands. Its not a conversation that will be forgotten later that day. The conversation is her being the voice for her baby, she is letting emotions go, <strong>she is healing</strong>, and also experiencing <strong>new emotions</strong>. She will likely reflect on how the conversation went later on, so <strong><u>be carful</u></strong> on your words, as something you say <u>innocently</u>, she may find offensive, and that may be part of the grief process. </div>
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<strong><u>Pregnancy loss</u></strong> is a silent grief that not many people will know the mother is experiencing. I never knew the heart ache of a miscarriage until this week. I got to positive pregnancy test then a few days later miscarried the baby. I was 4 weeks along. While still very early <u>I do not know what it would be like to lose a baby that is further along</u>, but because of losing Chloe, and this early miscarriage, I have an idea of what it may be like. when you get to hear the baby's heart beating for the very first time, it becomes so real, and being able to see the baby on the ultra sound, you see this little being growing inside you. <strong>Its the most amazing thing in the world</strong> in my opinion. Most people will tell their immediate family about the loss, <strong><u>some do not</u></strong> especially if the woman has a history of miscarriages she may not want to get the families hopes up<u> until she knows the baby is thriving</u>. if she miscarries, she is left with the empty feeling of loss, and what could have been. She can share that grief with her family, but if she choose not to tell anyone then she is left with this <strong>silent sorrow</strong> that no one knows she going through. When I saw that pregnancy test say I was pregnant I wanted to tell all of my friends and outside family that I was expecting on Chloe's birthday. that would have put me at ten weeks along if I counted correctly. Even though I miscarried very early, what if I had carried the baby till 9 weeks and was getting ready to announce the pregnancy. With all the support that surrounds me, I may not have even been able to mention the pregnancy publicly as compared to it being very early. <u>I would have been alone</u>, and <u><strong>without the support</strong></u> of my EB community family, and my distance friends. While everyone can send me messages or talk to me over the phone or in person, I may seem like I am happy and getting along just fine, <u>but deep inside</u> I am hurting and grieving a loss of a small little life. </div>
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You could walk into a room and see<strong> 20 women smiling</strong>, they could look like they have not a care in the world, but statistically <strong>5</strong> of those women, have had a pregnancy or infant loss. You may not see it on their face, <u>they may not show any emotion related to grief</u>. <strong>They hide it very well</strong>, but inside their heart is grieving a life that you may never knew about. <strong> One</strong> in <strong>four</strong> women have a pregnancy or infant loss<strong><u><em> I am one in four</em></u></strong>. If I take a look at Me compared to my in laws (not counting the one who is currently pregnant) In us four woman<u> I am the one</u>. I am the one who has had the infant loss. <strong><u>It isn't no ones fault that this is happened to me. It is not the statics fault this happened to me.</u></strong></div>
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I believe that <strong> God</strong> as a plan for all of us, <strong><em><u>even the little babies who go to heaven</u></em></strong>. We may not see it or understand it right now, but if we live right and serve the lord like we are to, we will one day be able to know that reason. I like to think that Chloe's reason of being here then going back to heaven was to get me and my husband to <strong>give our life to the Lord</strong>. She motived us to pray and go to church. She has helped give us a reason to strive for heaven even more now so that <u><strong>we can see her one day</strong></u>. </div>
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The first few months of a loss, everything seems hopeless, and even years after, if another loss is experience things may seem even more hopeless, <strong><em><u>but we have to remain strong and keep our faith in the Lord strong so we can heal, and one day when Gods timing is perfect, we will find our hope when God sends a little healthy miracle.</u></em></strong> </div>
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<span class="passage-display-bcv"><strong><span style="color: #351c75;">Psalm 113:9</span></strong></span></div>
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<span class="text Ps-113-9" id="en-KJV-15823"><span style="color: #351c75;"><sup class="versenum">9 </sup>He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>.</span></span></div>
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<span class="passage-display-bcv"><strong><span style="color: #351c75;">Luke 23:29</span></strong></span></div>
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<span class="text Luke-23-29" id="en-KJV-25965"><span style="color: #351c75;"><sup class="versenum">29 </sup>For, behold, the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><span class="passage-display-bcv"><strong>Genesis 25:21</strong></span></span></div>
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<span class="text Gen-25-21" id="en-KJV-680"><span style="color: #351c75;"><sup class="versenum">21 </sup>And Isaac intreated the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> for his wife, because she was barren: and the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived</span></span></div>
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<span class="text Gen-25-21"><span style="color: #351c75;"></span></span> </div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-size: x-small;"><span class="text Gen-25-21">(barren=infertile)</span></span></div>
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<a href="http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/?action=view&current=Sig_Elephant.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/Sig_Elephant.png" height="181" width="200" /></a></div>
Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-2254292809671686602014-02-06T12:36:00.004-05:002014-02-06T12:41:54.241-05:00Just another average night...<div style="text-align: center;">
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I have no problems sleeping. Once I am asleep I am out for the count, and I usually wont wake up till the alarm goes off. I am thankful I can stay asleep, but frankly, what I go through to get to sleep...no wonder I stay asleep, </div>
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I am emotionally drained.</div>
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Just when I lay down to sleep my brain clicks into this gear that is just exhausting. </div>
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last night was the worst night yet.</div>
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This March will make two years since Chloe has gone to heaven...I don't know yet how I feel about that. The newness of Chloe passing away has subsided....but the pain isn't gone, and I know that if it wasn't for Jesus and Travis and my family helping me by listing to me when I needed, I don't know how I wouldn't have made it this far. The pain I felt that night she went to heaven, is the same pain I feel today. Just because two years has passed, it doesn't mean I hurt less. I hurt the same....specially at the end of the day. </div>
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I'm not sharing this experience because I'm venting, or because I am just so sad... I want to share because maybe it will help me get passed it, and its something I've tried explaining, but cant get the words out right, or plainly have never felt comfortable to try and talk about. But I want to share, get it out there, maybe give perspective to how I feel on a daily basis, and how some grieving mothers may feel.</div>
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( I am only one person, I don't know how all the mothers to angel feel, I cant say that what I feel is true for all, but I know I am not alone, and I might know someone who feels this way but is more specific to what they are going through... I don't know, but I've learned that with whatever I feel, I have always been able to find one other person who felt what I felt.) </div>
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In November of 2012 I started taking medication because I was depressed... I felt as if I didn't have a purpose any more because I didn't have my baby. I don't feel this way any more, but the devil tries to tell me everyday that I have no point because I don't have any living kids. I just say "Jesus loves you, for you. Jesus think about you too" over and over and over until Jesus makes the devil flee. I was on the medication for a few months, and it helped...some...but I didn't want to be dependent on it. I wanted God to help me. I slowly got my self off the meds, and after a few weeks of dizziness and nausea from withdraw, I was off them. The devil will again try and beat me down and tell me I need to be on those anti depressants again, and I just say "NO! Jesus help me because I don't want back on those I refuse to take them" To my knowledge I don't even have any left over anti depressants, and I am thankful for God making them disappear, because I know I had a few left, but they just vanished because I cant recall doing anything with them, and that is all Gods doing. </div>
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It was in spring I believe of 2013 that is when I got off the medication. I did okay through out the year, the best that I could with support and my normal grieving. </div>
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From thanksgiving till now as been harder, its entering that time when Chloe's birthday is about to happen, the time she was alive, and the time she went to Heaven. Maybe that's why I did so go from spring of 2013 till thanksgiving, because those went the months she was alive during. Also probably the reason why I started medication during the months she was alive, till after her Angel day.</div>
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But during all that with all those times, getting to sleep is still the hardest. I know I am now alone on that. Ive read from many mothers who have lost children that night is the worst for not only them, but their spouse and any other children they have also have trouble at night. </div>
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For the first few year I would say.... I would cry almost every night....some nights it was a waterfall of tears, and other nights it was just a sprinkle of rain. but I hurt the same no matter how much I cried. I think up until Chloe's first birthday, so the first 8 months... during that time span I had about 4 different dreams about Chloe passing away, the dreams were not even the same as what really happened. And one dream of us having another child who also went to heaven. Thank the Lord since her first Birthday, I haven't had that happen. </div>
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Most Everyone knows I have a cat named Dexter, and a little dog named Bella. I got Bella about 4 months after Chloe became an angel. Bella, just a dog, has truly been a gift from God. I got Bella as a puppy and she has really helped me in my grief and still does. I got Dexter on Memorial day of 2013, another amazing gift from God. Dexter has really helped me because over time me and him have made up our routine and he has learned to love me and trust me. </div>
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So my nightly routine is snugging Dexter, with Bella laying behind me. I talk to God and talk Dexter, and think about Travis.... and then my brain clicks into Chloe. Most nights I can think about her, and be okay... I let out a few tears, and just let my self miss her and grieve her. That in its self is exhausting. because my brain wants to think "Your only child..." or "what if you next child as EB" and "Will you even have more kids" I have to push those out and think about something else, Because I know that if I don't, my brain will think about the night that she passed away... specially knowing that March will be here soon....its occupied my brain even more because I try and prepare myself for that day. We went to her grave last year, and will do the same this year.</div>
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Last night my brain did something new. </div>
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While I have honestly never had a full blown panic attack before, I can usually tell if something is about happen because my heart starts beat really hard and palpitates, and I just breath slowly to get my heart from feeling like its going to bust out of my chest, and I am fine. </div>
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Last night my brain triggered a panic attack</div>
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Its very uneasy for me to even type this out and know I'm going to post this. I want to address it though, let out, so that way maybe it wont happen because I've confronted it. Also send prayers that it doesn't happen again, because I don't think I could handle that happening all the way until March. Because My brain will calm down the day after March 27. Chloe passed away on March 24, but she was buried on March 27.... My Dads birthday.... but I've been able to handle that because I love my Dad a LOT so I am able to think about him and tease him and tell him how much I love him. </div>
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Any ways</div>
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My brain last night went in to Chloe gear, and I had a few tears over her, and then instantly it seemed like.... I was reliving the night she passed away, just before she passed. My brain remember what seemed like every thought I had then while I was holding her. "How will I tell my Mom and Dad?" and "How I will I be able to live with out her" also "What will happen once she passes away" then the big one "Was that her last breath... Chloe breath.... I don't want her take her last breath."</div>
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and then a panic attack happened. It was an awful feeling. I thought my heart was going to explode and I was so dizzy and I couldn't catch my breath. Travis as asleep next to me and woke up and held my hand and told me to take a deep breath. </div>
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I don't know why that happened. My the devil trying to mess with me? but honestly that's really not smart. Because those "how" questions all became answered. I was able to tell my parents, I just said "Chloe went to be with Jesus now"... hard to say but a simply sweet way to say it. How will I live with out her? The same way I did before, but with a new grief, one day at a time. What will happen once she passes? The UK NICU was amazing. GOD was amazing. </div>
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Once she passed away the hospital let me do my own thing, I wrapped her in a blanket, took her nasal cannulas off, and got on my knees and prayed. No one rushed me, no one said anything. then they took us to a little room with family and we all got to hold her and me and Travis got to spend time with her and give Chloe her last loving ons. After that, the nurses helped me cut a piece of her hair to keep, We made hand prints and footprints, I got to give her a bath and change her diaper, and dress her up... Everyone gave their last hugs and kisses....they brought in a little white coffin with a yellow blanket with a pillow bottom that I got to put her in... and I looked her.... they decided to let me and Travis carry her down to her morgue for the funeral home to come get.</div>
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The Lord planned that out really well.... One of the funeral home directors was at the hospital with his wife who was staying there, and so he was able to take care of her. I still have the yellow blanket. When Chloe took her last breath, She took a big one, and went. I no longer could feel her pulse and I just looked at the nurse, and shook my head to have her come over, She listened for Chloe's heart, and shook her head and said "I'm so sorry.... I have to get the Dr." the Dr only confirmed what we knew. Even though Chloe passed away, that night honestly couldn't have gone better under those circumstances. All the family was there, as well as some Friends, with one of those friends being a Preacher who read from the Bible and Officiated for Chloe's Funeral. We had actually ran into a group of friends hours before Chloe passed away and was there when we got the phone call we needed to be with Chloe ASAP, they followed up and was able to make phone calls for us so that we could spend time with Chloe. </div>
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Why my brain made me have a panic attack, I don know, and I don't care. </div>
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I'm not going to go medication EVER again. I don't want it, I don't need it </div>
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The devil can try and bring me down, but he has to flee in the name of Jesus</div>
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Chloe may not be here on Earth but I will see her in heaven</div>
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Will I hurt tonight and battle my grief, yes but, Ill call on Jesus and ask him to give Chloe extra sugars for me. </div>
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<strong><span style="color: #351c75;">Matthew 5:4</span></strong></div>
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<strong><span style="color: #351c75;">Blessed are those who mourn,</span></strong></div>
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<strong><span style="color: #351c75;">for they will be comforted. </span></strong></div>
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<strong><span style="color: #351c75;">1 Samuel 1:27</span></strong></div>
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<strong><span style="color: #351c75;">For this child I prayed; and the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> hath given me my petition which I asked of him:</span></strong></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;"><strong>Isaiah 40:5</strong></span></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: large;"><strong>And the glory of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together: for the mouth of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> hath spoken it</strong></span><br />
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-63079668058835866332013-07-09T01:43:00.003-04:002013-07-09T01:43:47.557-04:00Vent. <div style="text-align: center;">
It has been about one year since Travis and I have really started trying for another baby. It has been a rough journey... I honestly feel like I am on my last ounce of trying before I decide to not try any more. I applied for my first job in the state of Kentucky today. It has been a little over two years since I have had a job so I am looking forward to working. I think after this month, if we still haven't conceived a child, I will just focus all my time on working. I am not one to give up easy, but emotionally... Its just becoming to hard to handle. Watching as others are having children easily, and I sit here and think about Chloe... I just get depressed. Just typing this is making cry. I am happy for those people, and its nothing about them, just makes me want my turn now. I am trying so hard to be patient and wait on the Lord, but I am going to have these days when I just want to <em>cry and cry and cry. </em></div>
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Travis also went back to work today after having a whole week off work, and that has really saddened me. We haven't spent a week together like that...since probably November or December. </div>
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I am tired of feeling this way. I want my joy that comes bundled up. I look at pictures of Chloe everyday as they are hung up on the walls and I look at her and some days I just get so happy because of her beauty but lately I have been missing her so badly, and the pain makes me hurt all over, and I feel like no understands that. On those days I have no motivation to get out of bed. I feel like, What is the point when I have no child to get up too. I am not strong enough to deal with this Lord. </div>
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This past week with Travis home I didn't cry at all, and wasn't sad...but when he's at work... it seems like one or two times a week I am here at home alone and crying. I am not "giving up" on trying for a child... never will... I am just stopping the emotional wreck it causing me. </div>
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Then what if I do get pregnant. we have that chance of having another child with EB, and then my whole pregnancy will be a worry on that. Will this child be born with EB or not? Will I finally make it to a full term pregnancy or will the baby be premature again? Will there be months spent in the NICU again? Will we even be able to bring our child home? Emotional wreck. </div>
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I just want to have a baby... to be a mother... the only thing I have ever wanted to be. </div>
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Yes I am Mother ... I feel like I have to be so defensive about this. I have been in conversations that included the words "<em>IF </em>you had kids, you would understand".... and it hurts... and being asked how our baby is doing.. tis the life of a grieving mother.</div>
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I just needed to vent a little. </div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-22015790000070799962013-04-30T21:45:00.001-04:002013-04-30T21:45:12.982-04:00Loser<div style="text-align: center;">
So I have been thinking about posting this poem for a while... but just.. wasn't sure. I was thinking about saving it for my book, but then again, I wanted to share it in the present and not later on. </div>
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What inspired this was me thinking about how I tell about Chloe. When I get to the point of her story where she passes away, I choose my words carefully. Sometimes its too hard to say "she passed away" or simply "she died". I feel like those word are to mature for such a little child. I like to say "she went to heaven" or "she went to be with Jesus". Those words seem to be more fragile, soft, and pure like Chloe was. Then I think about how other people may say it.</div>
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--I am going to stop for a moment and I just want to say, if you say this phrase, it doesn't offend me, it doesn't bother me. Its just simple something I cant get my self to say. It doesn't feel natural coming out of my mouth and the words again... are just to mature for a little baby. And if you are in someway offended, I am truly sorry it wasn't meant.--</div>
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To often I hear "he/she <em><strong>lost</strong></em> their fight to..."</div>
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There is just something about that word<em><strong> lost</strong></em>. </div>
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I got to thinking about how if you lost to something... that makes you a loser by dictionary definition.</div>
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So I thought about like this: <em>Chloe <strong>lost</strong> her fight to EB. She was on the <strong>loosing</strong> side. She was a <strong>loser</strong>.</em> </div>
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I know we all know that two sentences are not true. but what about the first? </div>
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So it inspired me to write this poem</div>
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<em>Am I a Loser?</em></div>
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<em>On the day I was born when you first looked in my eyes you were on top of the world.</em></div>
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<em>When you first held me in your arms and kissed my cheek, you fell in love.</em></div>
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<em>So am I a loser?</em></div>
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<em>Remember when you first told me you loved me while rubbing your belly, or when you first felt me kick, you were glowing.</em></div>
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<em>So am I a loser?</em></div>
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<em>when you first got to feed me you were so proud. And when my little hand grasped around your finger, we made a memory.</em></div>
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<em>So am I a Loser?</em></div>
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<em>Remember how hard we fought and how much we tried. The way you smile like it was all okay while you held back tears. You were so strong.</em></div>
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<em>So am I a Loser?</em></div>
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<em>When you read me the Bible and told me about Jesus, I could feel his arms softly holding me. You seemed so edified because you felt this too.</em></div>
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<em>So am I a Loser?</em></div>
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<em>Remember the night I first met Jesus, you cried so much. You held my little body and prayed just so you could praise the Lord. </em></div>
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<em>Mommy Jesus told me he was proud. </em></div>
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<em>So am I a Loser?</em></div>
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<em>I have my perfect skin to hold my perfect body. Hair that flows while the angels sing to me.</em></div>
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<em>I no longer have to hurt, I no longer have to cry.</em></div>
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<em>So am I a Loser.</em></div>
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<em>I watch you from so high above, But when you see that butterfly I sent that just for you. </em></div>
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<em>There are so many other children here, we laugh and play and tell stories all day. </em></div>
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<em>I am thankful I am here, no more suffering can come, Ill be waiting for you for the battle is finally won.</em></div>
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<strong>Matthew 19:14-15</strong> </div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: xx-small;">14</span>But Jesus said, <span style="color: red;">Suffer little children and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.</span> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">15</span>And he laid his hands on them, and departed thence.</strong></div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-43504905895111670982013-03-26T00:31:00.000-04:002013-03-26T00:35:10.761-04:00One Year Already <div style="text-align: center;">
Wow I can't believe that it has already been one year since Chloe went to be with the Lord. It does not feel like it has been that long already. It seems like the older I get the faster time seems so go by. On Sunday we wanted to go to Chloe's grave and maybe release some balloons, but the weather here was yucky out so we didn't get to go like planed and Travis had to work that night also. So for me it seemed like the day was already sad and depressing. But we were given a wonderful surprise. Jessica Davis Thompson Face-timed with me all the way from Louisiana to watch her, with the team of Tripps Troops doing a balloon release in memory of Chloe. It was so sweet it made me cry. It made my day getting to watch that. After that I went to church and then hung out with my brother and sister-in-law and niece. </div>
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A couple days ago I was crying and I called my mommy and I was talking to her and all I could think about was how I should have a 1 year old right now. How I should be teaching my daughter how to walk and to talk, and teaching her. But I had to remember that she is in a better place. She is in the best place she could ever be and tonight I heard some good preaching and the preacher mentioned about Chloe and reminded me that She is a lot better off than I am here on this earth. </div>
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The Lord has really blessed me this past year. He has helped me to be able to grieve in a healthy way and has helped me overcome a lot of emotions, that for a while was really hard to deal with. I had a lot of bitterness and envy in my heart that The Lord came by and took from me, and after that, that was when the healing really began. but I always feel like I have so much to say until I go to write a blog post. </div>
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Also I am going to announce here that I am currently trying to work on a book about Grieving and The Lord. Its going to be about Chloe, ( of course) and I am going to fully explain in there about my grief, the stages I went through and how the Lord was able to heal my broken heart. I don't want to make money from this book because thats not what its about for me. I just want to be able to help someone who may be also going through a hard time of grief of losing a baby or child, or anyone for that matter. To many people get angry at God when they lose a loved one instead of thanking him for the time they had with that person, even if it was only a few seconds. </div>
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But that is all for now. Love you and thank you for your time to read this! </div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-68730515155872854552012-12-05T01:15:00.002-05:002012-12-05T01:15:26.080-05:00First Birthday<div style="text-align: center;">
Well Chloe turned One year old yesterday... wow. Already one full year since Chloe entered in the world! I feel like it hasn't been that long. so much has changed since December 4th 2011. we were prepared to bring home our newborn baby girl after a few short weeks in the NICU because of being 6 weeks premature and after she had surgery for her stomach... but we didn't know God had something else in mind. As I reflect on the past year.... the changes that really stuck out at me... and these changes will be the same things I will think about when the new year rolls around:<br />we have moved to our very own place<br />Travis was hired on full time at his factory job<br />our Daughter was born</div>
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Our Daughter went to be with Jesus<br />I found comfort in the Lord for the first time since being a child</div>
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I became a Holiness woman</div>
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I've learned to cook new things</div>
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and most important<br />GOD GAVE US EACH DAY</div>
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Chloe's birthday was amazing! I had a dinner with friends and family. I cooked/fried ( with the help of my wonderful sister in law Tamara ) small bite sized chicken for the very first time. I did it all by memory of watching my mother make it while we visited my family over thanksgiving. Travis sadly had to work but plenty of left overs were saved for him! Getting to be around everyone was so comforting... It meant the world to me to have them over to chat with and to just sit there and watch others converse. On the lonely nights I have, I will always think of Chloe's birthday and how every came together because of her and to be there for me and Travis. I was reminded of the people who care. After the long evening I went on facebook. I hadn't been on facebook most of the day, and reading all the comments and post about Chloe.... It was hard to hold back tears that came to my eyes. I needed the good stern reminder that I am NOT alone with this. There is always someone who will be there and willing to talk to me when I need them.<br /><br />The mind can be your worst enemy at times and the devil gets in there and can make you think some stupid stuff sometimes. All I can do is ask God to help me because when I start to think about Chloe I feel like I am all alone and there isn't any one there. I love the reminders I get and I do need tho's reminders that Its okay to be sad and cry and that there is always someone who will be my shoulder either in person or over the phone or online. and at times I forget that I need to take advantage of that. For me it is so difficult because I have it stuck that I need to be strong and I can't handle to cry around anyone its hard to even cry around Travis.<br /><br />I have so many people tell me that I am strong and courageous and brave.... I love hearing that and I thank each and every single person who has ever gave me a compliment like that! But... Ill let you in on a little secret ... my favorite thing to be called isn't strong or any of those words.... my favorite thing to be called is a Mother, Mom, Mommy, Momma... I love seeing comments with those words! I am a Mommy! I can't wait to to heaven and see Chloe waiting for me and when she sees me I will get to hear her for the very time yell out "MOMMY!" I can't wait for that day! <br /><br />It is a couple hours past Chloe's Birthday and everyone left a while ago and *most* of my apartment is picked up... as I write to you all I can't help but to feel bittersweet. I am so happy I made it through the day and I am so happy for everyone who came over..... I'm really overjoyed!!! but I am sad because This isnt how I ever imagined Chloe's first birthday would go. I couldn't wait to see her eat her first birthday cake and open her presents. To see her eyes when she first taste the frosting on the cake and hear that first rip of wrapping and looking too see the colors of a new toy. Then.... I can't help but wonder what Chloe's birthday was like in Heaven! I'm sure it was beautiful! I can imagine she probably had butterflies everywhere and I think would have had baby pink roses every also because those would be her favorite just like Mommy. My sweet angel... now she is the one who is strong. She was perfect in every way and she is living in the most perfect place and she is probably perfectly happy.<br /><br />One thing else I want to add.... I love thinking about this when ever I am sad...<br />I think about Mary up in Heaven... I love to think about her playing with the babies and children and about her playing with Chloe. I love to think about her holding Chloe and giving her hugs and them smiling at each other. It is something I find so comforting.<br /><br />I would love to stay up and write so much more but I really don't want to over do it, and my eyes are heavy and tired from all of the excitement of the day. </div>
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Bless you all!<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">1 Samuel 1:27</span></b></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">For this Child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him</span></i></div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-7571861252912306482012-10-31T00:54:00.001-04:002012-10-31T00:54:36.996-04:00Standstill<div style="text-align: center;">
Me and Travis have decided to <b>stop</b> trying for another baby. There are lots of people who try for years, but me and Travis... we just can't. It is so emotionally hard. I was <i>14 days late</i>, and we were unsuccessful. It is emotionally draining. I feel like I<b> <i>haven't stopped crying</i> </b>since last night. I am so emotionally drained. Chloe passing away took a lot from me, and with each <b><i>unsuccessful</i></b> month it feels like a little more is being took. I guess I'm just having a time of sadness/depression, I don't know. When you are trying to get pregnant it seems like <i>everyone else is getting pregnant besides you</i>, and I feel like if we stop maybe some of that anxiety will go away, this<b> anxiety</b> that I feel like<b> no one understands. </b></div>
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In a previous post I wrote about how I feel like I'm stuck in the house all time, I still am. And I think it is making things worse. <b><i>I feel like a burden</i></b> when I want to go out and do something. I don't like relying on other people<i><b> so much</b></i> and if I rely on Travis then <b><i>I'm taking away</i></b> from his sleep for work. I just feel like <i><b>no one understands</b></i>. I miss holding my<b><i> baby in my arms</i></b>. I miss seeing her <i><b>big blue eyes</b></i> and feeling her little<b><i> 41/2 pound, body</i></b> on my chest while I held her. That was her favorite place to be. I miss how whenever I talked to her, <b><i>she would stare right at me</i></b>, and when I stopped <i><b>she would look around for me</b></i>. <b>I felt like a mother. All I want to be is a mother.</b> </div>
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The only person who <i><b>truly</b></i> understands is <b>the Lord</b></div>
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Here is a good question,</div>
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<i>How do you move forward when you feel like you're not moving at all.</i></div>
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<b>Psalm 31:24</b></div>
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<b>Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord</b></div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-8599560611259646732012-10-26T20:39:00.000-04:002012-10-27T00:50:00.112-04:00Baby Easton<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">In honor of EB awareness week, I would like to share Baby Easton with you.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Easton is such a beautiful little boy. He has been through so much in such a short amount a time. He has endured more pain than the average person, and yet he can open his eyes and can still Give his mom a smile. What a sweet boy</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Here is Eastons story-Wrote by his family</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">( Taken from <a href="http://www.facebook.com/SupportBabyEastonFriedel">http://www.facebook.com/SupportBabyEastonFriedel</a> ) </span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Baby Easton was born August 23rd, 2012 at Auburn Memorial Hospital and immediately his parents knew something was wrong. He was missing skin on most of his limbs, covered in scary, deep red, open wounds. He came out screaming violently, his weak five-pound, fifteen-ounce body shaking because of the unbearable pain. Auburn Memorial hospital had never seen a case like this so he was transferred to Crouse, where the doctor had only seen 2 in his entire career. Baby Easton was unable to even take a pacifier for comfort because the friction of it against his skin left his lips blistered immediately...so they had to put in a feeding tube and his mom will have to pump instead of nursing him. His pain was eventually controlled with a combination of morphine and Tylenol, and he is on antibiotics to try and prevent infection from his many open wounds. He is getting new blisters from being cleaned after he goes potty...and needs to be medicated to tolerate the pain of cleaning him up. Changing his bandages is also extremely painful and calls for more morphine The drs are talking about moving him from NY to Cincinnati Children's hospital. He is the worst case they have ever seen</span></i><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Easton has three older brothers, Logan, Carter, and Blake, and has two loving parents, Jared and Danielle. One cannot even begin to imagine what the parents must be going through. The shock of his diagnosis; the uncertainty of what his future holds; the heart wrenching pain and feeling of helplessness at seeing their newborn baby hurting and not being able to hold him, nurse him, comfort him, or take away his pain.</span></i><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Easton's father works in a factory and doesn't make much over minimum wage. The factory he works at will be closing within a year and he will be without work unless he transfers with the company across the country from NY to OK. He is taking a week or two off to help his wife as they transition home and learn to care for baby Easton and their 3 other boys. His mom will not be able to work and her days will be dedicated to loving Easton and his 3 brothers, and the arduous and extensive care Easton's illness will require.</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">His parents need to concentrate on caring for their fragile baby. I pray we can help relieve some of this financial burden so their sweet boy can have the medical supplies he needs to help ease that pain and try to keep his blistering under control, healing, and uninfected as much as possible.</span></i><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Easton has EB Simplex Dowling Meara </span></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> Information From DEBRA website (www.DebRA.org):</span></b><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">EBS-DM is a generalized form of EB simplex. This type of EB is probably the most severe form of EB Simplex.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Infants are often born with widespread grouping of blisters on the face, trunk and limbs. Blisters on hands and feet often eventually cause confluent keratoderma (thickening of the skin). In many cases these calluses form complete thickening of the palms and soles. If the thickening is severe enough it may limit the range of motion of a joint. In such cases, consultation from a surgeon may be necessary to determine the best course of treatment.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Heat may exacerbate blistering. Milia (tiny cysts on skin) may be present after blisters have healed. Nail thickening and discoloration is a common feature.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Blistering in Dowling Meara EBS can involve organs including the oral cavity, gastrointestinal tract and rarely, the upper respiratory tree.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Electron microscopy shows clumps of keratin filaments, which are not seen in other forms of EB simplex.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Mutations are usually in the genes encoding K5 or K14.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Since EBS-DM is the most severe form of EBS, the widespread blistering may lead to death in infancy. However, blistering tends to become smaller and less problematic for most patients as they grow older.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Since EB varies in severity these manifestations may or may not be experienced by the individual affected.</span><span style="background-color: #ead1dc;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-80074174534572500962012-10-08T22:21:00.000-04:002012-10-08T22:21:22.193-04:00Chloe Shirts! <div style="text-align: center;">
I am going to start selling Chloe Shirts again! I have had lots of people asking about them so I think now is a good time to start selling them again! </div>
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Last time we sold 75 shirts! I want to sell at least 50 shirts but I would love to sell more than 75! therefore, I am going to take a PRE-ORDERS on Chloe's Shirts. This will NOT cost you anything until the official sale starts.<br />Send me an Email at <a href="mailto:JEBChloe@Gmail.com">JEBChloe@Gmail.</a>com with how many shirts you would like!<br /> The shirts will cost $23 for sizes SMALL--XLARGE and about $25 for sizes 2XL-4XL<br />that include shipping.</div>
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For Local orders I will not charge you shipping if you ordered from me or a family member.<br /><br />100% of the funds will go to an EB Charity. Our last sale went to benefit the<a href="http://www.childrenscancer.org/puck/"> P.U.C.K fund</a>. I am not sure if I want to give this round of proceeds to the P.U.C.K fund again or if we will pick out a new EB Charity to benefit! I will tell you as soon as a decision is made!</div>
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I still have A LOT to do with the shirts, so prices and sizes, are subject to change.</div>
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-21100122331196697222012-10-03T00:38:00.001-04:002012-10-03T00:50:47.371-04:00I never wanted this day to come. <div style="text-align: center;">
Hello Everyone, Sorry it has been <b>so long</b> since an update, but I have wrote ideas down, typed unpublished post, and talked to my self about what I should say all night long, and honestly, I think I was holding out for <b>this Day</b>. (Sept 24th)<br />
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Before I get heavily into this, I want to first say, this is going to be a lengthy post, I already know that it will be. I like to ramble one about different things and also because it has been entirely to long since I have updated.<br />
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So I'll start off with the <i>good things</i>!<br />
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About three weeks ago, me and Travis moved into our own Apartment! I am so thankful! Moving has been something I have been <b>praying</b> for so long about and have wanted so much! The Lord made us available to move the the <b>perfect</b> time. When I moved to Kentucky I moved in with Travis and his Mom Sandy. I'm glad for that because my Mommy was all the way in Indiana, and my "<i>move</i>" to Kentucky was a "<i><b>spur of the moment</b></i>" kind of thing. I came to KY expecting to only stay for about 2 weeks, to meet Travis in person and visit with my brother, sister-in-law and nieces. After I met Travis, I didn't want to leave, the thought of leaving him, just made me hurt, and feel depressed, so we got the bright Idea, <b>LETS GET MARRIED!</b> ANYWAYS, about two months after we got married, we found out I was<b> pregnant</b>! At the time Travis was having hard time finding a job, and I think it was a <i>blessing </i>because I was so sick. Once he started working again not very long after that, it was so nice to have his Mom around and to get to know her... well before we knew it, <i>I was going into labor before I was even 30 weeks</i>, so I was put on bed rest, and Its another reason I was happy to have his Mom there, because I knew if something happened, She would be there ( if she didn't have to work that night ). Going on, Once Chloe was born, She was a lot of support for us, while we dealt with the <b>NICU</b>, being away from home and everything...after <i>3 months and 20 days</i>, the past 6 months we have been healing and we just couldn't afford our own place yet. In August Travis got hired on full time and about 2 weeks later he we were offered <b>our own apartment</b> in the next building. So we have been in our new apartment for almost a month now and it has been wonderful. I am happy that it is not far from Sandy. Its been really hard since I moved to Kentucky not to have my Mom around. My whole life I lived in the same house with her, and I remember when ever I needed her, I would say "<i>MOM BACK PORCH NOW! I NEED TO VENT!"</i> We would always sit in the back porch because it was more private, and they way it was set up, with a window, you could always see if someone was coming into the area, or leaving. anyways, I really miss her. I know that I can call her anytime I need too, But there isn't anything like having your Mommy around to hug. That I why I am thankful My mother in law Sandy is still near by.<br />
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For example a couple days ago, Me and Travis got inside the storage building. He was getting things out and I was just looking at all the the baby things we had in there. It seemed like a never ending supply of baby girl clothes! Well I opened up a box that I though was only going to have some winter clothes in it, and when I opened it there was a few items of Chloe's. I picked up a few items and I found the <b>first skirt </b>Chloe ever wore. It may not seem like much, but it is really important to me, because I only wear skirts. The skirt is a <i>preemie size</i>, and I remember the day I put it on her, I matched it with a blue onesie and I had to fit her broviac line inside the skirt also. I remember after she was dressed.... <i><b>this little preemie skirt was loose on her!</b></i> She was so tiny! I held the skirt close to me, and my emotions just about had, Thankfully Sandy lives right there, and I was able to just walk over to her apartment, and cry my eyes out on her shoulders, and she cried with me. I am Thankful I have a good mother-in-law! It seems a stereotype that your not supposed to like your mother-in-law, but <i>I love mine, and Travis loves his!</i><br />
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Another good thing is that I found <i><b>Chloe's first bottle</b></i>! I have been looking for it for months now so I could add it to her box, and I thought I lost it.I found it while me and Travis was in the storage building, along with a few other outfits and onesies, and hats she wore. It was so wonderful! <b>I am so happy I found her bottle!</b><br />
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Okay for the best news of all ( have to save the best for last right! ) <br />
<b><i><u>WE ARE GETTING CHLOE A TOMBSTONE!!!!</u></i></b><br />
Thanks to The <b>butterfly fund </b>and <b>Amy Childers Photography</b>, They helped raise donations of $2,000 for us to get Chloe a tombstone! The Butterfly fund put up on facebook, and then Amy got a hold of it, and helped put the word out!<i><b> I am so thankful to each and every single person that made a donation</b></i>! Me and Travis have been saving our change to be able to get Chloe a tombstone, and honestly... I thought the day wouldn't come for a very long time. I can't believe that it is going to be a reality for us before we know it!<br />
We still need to make an appointment with the funeral home to look at what they can offer, and my sister in laws went to the local festival, and there was a booth set up marketing tombstones and they got information for me, and talked to them and asked questions. So I have some pamphlets I need to read, and research!<br />
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I am so happy to be able to get Chloe a tombstone. When I found out about all the donations that were raised I cried! I was so happy. The days following after hearing about this is when my emotions started to really set in. I started thinking about getting her a tombstone, and it hit me, I shouldn't be picking out my daughters tombstone! She should be picking out mine! I should be picking out dresses for her to wear to church and bows for her hair!<br />
A PARENT SHOULD NOT PICK OUT THEIR CHILD'S TOMBSTONE!<br />
It just makes me extremely sad. I DON'T want to see her name like that. I really don't. It was so hard seeing her name in the newspaper for her obituary, and even then, the only time I should see her name in a news paper is for an achievement or something! I just get so.... depressed thinking about it.... but I am happy to be able to finally honor her! to give her something she deserves!<br />
Also I have been thinking a lot about her birthday coming up in December.... Her first birthday.... I just don't want to face it. I want to help my baby blow out her candle on her first birthday. I just can;t believe that it has almost been a year since she was born. This year has flown by.<br />
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I have been really depressed the past few days... I want to do things, but at the same time I just want to sleep. I don't know why I have been so depressed, this is honestly the most depressed I have been since Chloe passed away. I want to be strong for my family and to show them that<i> <u>If I can handle this, than you can to.</u></i> Also I feel like I have to be strong for Travis, He is different from me, so he has been handling his grief differently, and I just want to be strong for him so when he needs me, I can be there for him. His job is also making things that much harder also. He works 12 hours a night, 7 days a week, and a day off here and there, and I feel like we have no marriage because we hardly get any time to be with each other. Its so hard to explain just how I really feel, and its extremely hard to talk to anyone about it because its so personal and its not easy. I can't just think "<i>oh it will be okay</i>" because most of the time, I feel like it will<b> never</b> be okay. A part of me isn't with me, and<b><i> everybody is different</i></b> I don't grieve like everyone else. I've never had to grieve before in my life. I don't have my license yet, and our only vehicle is Travis' truck. So I am always home, I can't decided I want to do something and<i> just get up and grab my keys and go</i>, and I know that in time I will be able to do that, but it has taken a toll on me.<b> I can't handle being home all time,</b> and cleaning every single day. I know I am a wife, but after a couple weeks, it makes you go insane, and it's something no one will understand fully because <b>I am me, and I am my own person</b>. I am at home all the time, and <i>your mind is your worst enemy</i>. There is so much about Chloe that I think about everyday that just breaks me down. I think about how I will never get to hear her talk, to hear her say "<b>Mama</b>" or "<b>Dada</b>", I won't ever be able to <i>hear her tell me she loves me</i>. I <b>won't ever see her take her first steps, eat with a fork, go to school,</b> and so on and so on. And I am home all day long, and my emotions<b> build up until they blow over. </b><br />
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Thats not the only thing that has been troubling me. Me and Travis<i> have been trying for another baby</i> for about 5 months now, with no luck. I so badly want to be a mother, <b>It is in my DNA to be a mother,</b> I was made to be a mother. It is so hard to look a<i> pregnant woman</i> or hear about another woman <i>finding out she is pregnant</i>, with out being a little hurt. and It is hurt that I feel because It makes me <b>want to hold my baby girl,</b> it makes me want to be <b>pregnant again</b>, and it's always a<i><b> reminder </b></i>of something that I want so dearly in my life. Its a<i> strange</i> emotion that only a <i><u>few</u></i> people will understand unless they have lost a child, had a miscarriage or can't have children. I have talked to a couple friends who have lost their children because of EB or miscarriage, and they have or is still experiencing <b>the same emotion</b>. I know <b>I may get judged </b>on that but, its something that <b>I have to overcome</b>, and I someday will,<b> I pray that I can one day way up and feel differently but until that day, it is something I have to cope with and figure out. </b><br />
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I am sorry this blog post have taken so long to get up, I just had to find the right words to use, and sometimes when I would start blogging I would end up crying and I stopped after that. My emotions are what they are and they are and I feel like when I blog I think about the people who may be reading this but I'm tired of that I want to let out how I feel without fearing that someone is going to talk about me. My Life is in a rut, and I want to let out how I feel to try and move forward, I need to be honest about my emotions.<br />
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I will one day be okay.<br />
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Keep us in your prayers.<br />
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<b>Psalm 37:5<br /><i>Commit thy way unto the Lord</i>; <i>Trust also in him</i>; <i>And he shall bring it to pass</i></b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VoJjSOvHros/UGvCcXV15DI/AAAAAAAAAfE/MGDaU9e6PPw/s1600/403365_10150540413015911_669850910_9483082_1555743046_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VoJjSOvHros/UGvCcXV15DI/AAAAAAAAAfE/MGDaU9e6PPw/s320/403365_10150540413015911_669850910_9483082_1555743046_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chloe's first bottle</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--UodLVEHLSE/UGvCd7VJONI/AAAAAAAAAfM/K8WcIcbZGvo/s1600/420106_10150537980730911_669850910_9478079_1748423886_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--UodLVEHLSE/UGvCd7VJONI/AAAAAAAAAfM/K8WcIcbZGvo/s320/420106_10150537980730911_669850910_9478079_1748423886_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chloe in the little yellow skirt I recently found</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I found this pink dress also. I love this picture.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0dyL5EoKOj4/UGvCr6x8xSI/AAAAAAAAAfc/dTIb3r1-hZ4/s1600/DSCF9419+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0dyL5EoKOj4/UGvCr6x8xSI/AAAAAAAAAfc/dTIb3r1-hZ4/s320/DSCF9419+-+Copy.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of my favorite pictures</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Aorje6g24tI/UGvDAe29qXI/AAAAAAAAAfw/0HL2lslrf5k/s1600/100_0723.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Aorje6g24tI/UGvDAe29qXI/AAAAAAAAAfw/0HL2lslrf5k/s320/100_0723.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Travis prepped for my C-section </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ID8ne6n0Lbg/UGvDHuFwi7I/AAAAAAAAAf4/gJD19oXoTZg/s1600/100_0724.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ID8ne6n0Lbg/UGvDHuFwi7I/AAAAAAAAAf4/gJD19oXoTZg/s320/100_0724.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">after I had my C-section, in recovery from my Epidural and surgery </td></tr>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-68483065722163176922012-07-21T04:01:00.000-04:002012-07-21T04:01:04.226-04:00My Bella<div style="text-align: center;">
SO something exciting happened for us! We got a new little addition to our little family. Her name is Bella! She is a Chihuahua-Shih tzu mix, only 7 weeks old!<br /><br />I fell in love with her the first time I saw her and I KNEW I had to have her, I talked to Travis about her, and the next day, by the Lords blessing, I was able to get her!<br /><br />I think she is really going to help me with my grieving. I have all this love I need to out pour on my Baby Chloe, but she isn't here with me, so with Bella, I can take that love I have built up inside, and give it to her. Until our next Baby, My little Bella is going to be my baby to love on.<br /><br />She is doing very good with her training, Im pretty happy with where she is at right now, She is still having lots of accidents, but she is getting better, slowly but surely. We love her so much. She is still so little and shouldn't get too much bigger! She is loving her toys to chew and she LOVES to snuggle! I am so happy and so thankful I have her!!! I love her! </div>
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<a href="http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/?action=view&current=Sig_Elephant.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="181" src="http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/Sig_Elephant.png" width="200" /></a></div>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-74960402630416941662012-07-17T00:42:00.001-04:002012-07-17T00:42:08.968-04:00I need a little Heaven.<iframe frameborder="no" height="166" scrolling="no" src="http://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F53112269&show_artwork=true" width="100%"></iframe>
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I've been wanting to post a blog update for a while, and I type something out but I can't seem to push that "publish" button. So I'm going to try and tell what my unpublished post have been about.<br />
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My first unpliblished post was about all the things I would give...<br />
I would give <i><b>everything</b></i> that I have, The clothes off my back, too my last crumb of food. I would give <b><i>everything to be able to have my sweet baby girl back</i></b>.... but when I think like that... even tho it seems so humbling... Its <b><i>selfsish</i></b>. I don't want to take her away from Jesus, and heaven. I don't want to take her away from all the other EB children, and all the children who are up there, I don't want to take her away from her cousin Timothy, or take her away from all those beautiful angels. <b><i>I don't want her to have to deal with EB</i></b>, blistering, skin tearing, a chance of skin cancer, G-tubes, more blood transfusions, I don't want to watch her be old enough to under stand that she may not live another day.<br />
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Another unpublished post was about all the anxiety I have had the past week maybe two weeks. I sit in bed trying to go to sleep little things make me think back to December 2011 though march 2012 and my heart starts racing and I get this overwhelming feeling comes over me. During those months, when I would get that feeling, all I had to do was pick up a phone and call the nurses and I would know she is doing okay.<br />
I'm thankful for my friend I met a church Jeanette, We started talking about the Lord and with talking about him, somehow I mentioned Chloe, and started talking about her and I told her about this feeling and she gave me a good reminder that I call on the Lord any time also, and I know Chloe is okay. And I thought more about that and the Lord is there for me, and time, day or night, and I know that Chloe is resting safly in the hands of the Lord and am so thankful that the Lord has helped with grieving for the Loss of Chloe.<br />
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I have good days and bad days. and Today started off as a bad day. I woke up and I was so sleepy still and I was missing Travis because he had just left for work. I laid in bed for a couple minutes grabbed my laptop so I could listen to some encouaraging music, and I started thinking about Chloe, then it made me want to watch her awareness video, and I just <b>lost it </b>after that. I started crying. and my heart felt so heavy. I wanted to crawl under my covers, stay in my pajamas, and never come out. I honestly wanted to stay there and cry all day and be depressed. And if you know me, I am far from letting depression get the best of me. Thankfully my mother in law walked in and first asked "You okay" and I just laid there and shook my head no.. then she asked if i was having a bad day and I shook my head yes... and she said something about if I wanted to go to the store, and she was going to get dressed.... and that was my motivation. Getting up and getting out. And I'm glad I did. I was able to go to the Chiropractor/physical therapy and he reminded me that emotional stress is the worst thing on your body.<br />
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So thats how I have been. I try so hard to be strong for my family, I guess to show <i>"Hey I'm Chloe's Mommy, look at how good I am doing, <b>If I can do it, so can you!</b>" </i>But at times I am not strong, I am going to have my weak days. But I know that the Lord will help me though it all. And I haven't cried like I did this morning in so long. So it felt so good to let it out.<br />
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<b>Psalm 22:19</b></div>
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<b>But you, O LORD, be not far off; O my Strength, come quickly to help me.</b></div>
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<b>Psalm 119:28</b><br />
<b>My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.</b><br />
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<b>Matthew 19:14<br />But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven</b><br />
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<a href="http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/?action=view&current=Sig_Elephant.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="181" src="http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/Sig_Elephant.png" width="200" /></a></div>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-29120873962964352192012-06-08T18:54:00.002-04:002012-06-08T18:54:24.749-04:00Missing you<div style="text-align: center;">
On the 4th of this month, Chloe would have turned 6 months old. It is extreamly hard to belive that it has been 6 months since I had her, since I first saw her little face and gave her, her first kiss. I have days where I think about Chloe and all I can do is smile and laugh about how adorable she was and how she had a personality all her own. I love thinking and laughing about how because she had such big eyes she would look so worried, it was adorbale, We would have her sitting slightly up and she would sit there and fold her hands together and look around. She was so grown up.<br /><br /></div>
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<object width="320" height="266" class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://i.ytimg.com/vi/AtvbwDTBi_4/0.jpg"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/AtvbwDTBi_4?version=3&f=user_uploads&c=google-webdrive-0&app=youtube_gdata" />
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<embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/AtvbwDTBi_4?version=3&f=user_uploads&c=google-webdrive-0&app=youtube_gdata" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object><br /><br />But then there are other days... Days like today... where I started to think about her, and all I could do was cry. and I have to take a few deep breaths and gain composer again. I feel so empty at times without her... Its hard to explain... I had a baby, a beautiful baby girl. And on her 6th month birthday, all I could think about was all the smiles I'm missing, hearing her laugh, talk, walk...and grow up.... It makes me so sad.<br />But</div>
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When I get to go to heaven, where there is no time, and I get to spend eternity with all her giggles and smiles and talking and pure love. I can't wait for that day. Until then I cry out to Jesus and ask for strength. I feel so tired sometimes. I know that other who are going through the same as me will be able to understand this. I've read others talking about the same feeling of pure exhaustion of grieving. <br /><br />On the 4th I also went through her box of things. It was hard with a few items, but it helped a lot. I feel like my memory of her is getting better... I dunno how to explain it, maybe others understand what I mean... It just seems like when I think about her, my memories are more vivid and I remember a lot more of the days I had with her. Its a blessing I will say. I am thankful for that. Its helped my faith.<br /><br /><b>2 Peter 3:8<br />But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.</b></div>
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<b>John 14:26</b></div>
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<b>But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.</b><b><br /></b></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ipIGo01ZFI0/T9KBVOzEAUI/AAAAAAAAAco/LVZpJvbNkiw/s1600/178990_10150856107800911_503706192_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ipIGo01ZFI0/T9KBVOzEAUI/AAAAAAAAAco/LVZpJvbNkiw/s320/178990_10150856107800911_503706192_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Her signs and notes</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1Kh7WM2NsV8/T9KBWPYW6rI/AAAAAAAAAcw/gjZaR52_kfk/s1600/185184_10150856319865911_271521728_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1Kh7WM2NsV8/T9KBWPYW6rI/AAAAAAAAAcw/gjZaR52_kfk/s320/185184_10150856319865911_271521728_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">outfit I dressed her in after she passed away</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JINfRs9F7Js/T9KBWrRIpHI/AAAAAAAAAc4/FDAKeOPbWwU/s1600/283775_10150856229170911_258464249_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JINfRs9F7Js/T9KBWrRIpHI/AAAAAAAAAc4/FDAKeOPbWwU/s320/283775_10150856229170911_258464249_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">prints after she passed away</td></tr>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DekpJSyOYEQ/T9KBXc8sE2I/AAAAAAAAAdA/YDW6FKUj_zo/s1600/533062_10150856144730911_1412140527_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DekpJSyOYEQ/T9KBXc8sE2I/AAAAAAAAAdA/YDW6FKUj_zo/s320/533062_10150856144730911_1412140527_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EqqVoDY_3vo/T9KBYAeMzAI/AAAAAAAAAdI/DeV0h4tUSbU/s1600/539902_10150856376710911_1306288267_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EqqVoDY_3vo/T9KBYAeMzAI/AAAAAAAAAdI/DeV0h4tUSbU/s320/539902_10150856376710911_1306288267_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">prayer clothes</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--NbbK4NCjB8/T9KBYycV3pI/AAAAAAAAAdQ/iUR8kcUn5y4/s1600/547538_10150856072290911_1446597979_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--NbbK4NCjB8/T9KBYycV3pI/AAAAAAAAAdQ/iUR8kcUn5y4/s320/547538_10150856072290911_1446597979_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chloe's memory box. Laptop ontop to show size</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5ypV5-WMshA/T9KBZ_Jf-VI/AAAAAAAAAdY/fPiBwzaH4UQ/s1600/552818_10150849297405911_2121470871_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5ypV5-WMshA/T9KBZ_Jf-VI/AAAAAAAAAdY/fPiBwzaH4UQ/s320/552818_10150849297405911_2121470871_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Made by: Kathy's Glitter Kreations, From Lewis and Debbie</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-y5wPtpNT8zQ/T9KBajjFp5I/AAAAAAAAAdg/VVM2YgsQpOk/s1600/600817_10150856391425911_443141753_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-y5wPtpNT8zQ/T9KBajjFp5I/AAAAAAAAAdg/VVM2YgsQpOk/s320/600817_10150856391425911_443141753_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">bracelets and measuring tape that was used to measure her belly</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kw5e31vOJnE/T9KBbMNTVoI/AAAAAAAAAdo/F0-Z9S7NQQc/s1600/601147_10150856342525911_280647607_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kw5e31vOJnE/T9KBbMNTVoI/AAAAAAAAAdo/F0-Z9S7NQQc/s320/601147_10150856342525911_280647607_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From the small casket that the hospital gave us. </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ct7j4pR27uQ/T9KBb0_XfaI/AAAAAAAAAdw/F2KFd2VHLdY/s1600/601623_10150858647230911_1458473674_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ct7j4pR27uQ/T9KBb0_XfaI/AAAAAAAAAdw/F2KFd2VHLdY/s320/601623_10150858647230911_1458473674_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I made this in Memory of Chloe. Butterflies are made from her funeral memorials</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-30K5GwP4Vc8/T9KBcX6bJnI/AAAAAAAAAd4/FWamyHY-YsY/s1600/c5ee0572aeb511e1b9f1123138140926_7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-30K5GwP4Vc8/T9KBcX6bJnI/AAAAAAAAAd4/FWamyHY-YsY/s320/c5ee0572aeb511e1b9f1123138140926_7.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">lock of her hair. It fell out of the ribbon, but thats okay</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YJPBX0mW0-Q/T9KBdHcP5QI/AAAAAAAAAeA/4yJMqbKRjAE/s1600/d9bb1e10aea511e1ab011231381052c0_7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YJPBX0mW0-Q/T9KBdHcP5QI/AAAAAAAAAeA/4yJMqbKRjAE/s320/d9bb1e10aea511e1ab011231381052c0_7.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This has a very special story.</td></tr>
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<a href="http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/?action=view&current=Sig_Elephant.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="181" src="http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/Sig_Elephant.png" width="200" /></a></div>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-6461162330095195152012-05-18T22:57:00.001-04:002012-05-18T22:57:30.898-04:00T-Shirts!<br />
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T-Shirts are now for sale!!!!!<br /><a href="http://rememberingchloe.eventbrite.com/">http://rememberingchloe.eventbrite.com/</a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VyfnFb2ZSpc/T7cL20-hnSI/AAAAAAAAAYQ/wgqFRPvSCWU/s1600/backofshirt.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" kba="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VyfnFb2ZSpc/T7cL20-hnSI/AAAAAAAAAYQ/wgqFRPvSCWU/s320/backofshirt.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Back of the T-Shirt</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-W-U6bRFn8Hw/T7cL39oC-UI/AAAAAAAAAYY/_ov0W-2MItY/s1600/frontofshirt.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" kba="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-W-U6bRFn8Hw/T7cL39oC-UI/AAAAAAAAAYY/_ov0W-2MItY/s320/frontofshirt.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Front of the T-Shirt</td></tr>
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T-Shirts are now for sale!!!!!<br /><a href="http://rememberingchloe.eventbrite.com/">http://rememberingchloe.eventbrite.com/</a><br /></div>
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<a href="http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/?action=view&current=Sig_Elephant.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="181" src="http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/Sig_Elephant.png" width="200" /></a></div>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-63012826795956700412012-05-14T14:21:00.001-04:002012-05-14T14:21:54.955-04:00Now I lay Me Down To Sleep<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-trBAuh9huM4/T7FM6PzRi5I/AAAAAAAAAUY/j0nlbZo763o/s1600/jones-618+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-trBAuh9huM4/T7FM6PzRi5I/AAAAAAAAAUY/j0nlbZo763o/s400/jones-618+copy.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looked in my email and got an email from the photographer... and she attached this, Praise the Lord... This is so beautiful, and being Mothers day, I am so happy. and this was just 2 days before she went to Heave</td></tr>
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<a href="http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/?action=view&current=Sig_Elephant.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="181" src="http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/Sig_Elephant.png" width="200" /></a></div>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-66814770870263229952012-05-14T03:23:00.000-04:002012-05-14T03:23:10.602-04:00Mothers Day<div style="text-align: center;">
Today has been a really hard day...<br />Before I had Chloe, before Travis, before I got serious about my life... There was always one thing I knew, And that was, that I always wanted to be a mother. I love children, I love them with my whole heart!<br />My 2 Nieces were born when I was 12 years old, They were so much fun! I don't remember a whole lot from when they were babies, but I do remember when they started walking and talking, I loved playing with them. both of the girls are named after me, There is Megan Sue who obviously has my first name, and Haley Nicole who has my middle name! I love that they both got named after me, it is so speical, I think even when I was still a kid then, I knew that I wanted to be a mommy some day.</div>
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I started babysitting when I was 14 for our neighbors. They have 2 beautiful twin boys and another adorable red head son, and they melted my heart when I got to see them and watch them. After a while their very beautiful daughter was born. I enjoyed every minute with them. When their Dad got a job promotion and had to move, I was so heart broken, but Praise the Lord for Facebook! I get to see pictures of them and see how they are growing! </div>
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<br />My other niece was born just a few years ago, I want to say that she was born in 2007 but I don't think that is right. She is kinda named after me to! Her name is Tegan ( like saying Megan but with a T ) I love that little girl so much.... I was in my older teens when she was born. Maybe 16 or 17. I remember when I first held her, I couldn't believe how little she was and just how beautiful. I used to love holding her and just looking her eyes for what seemed like hours.<br />When my other nieces started kindergarten, I was a senior in high school, and the bus stop was just right down the road from the house. I would get home from school, and Tegan would be waiting for me, standing in front of the gate so she couldn't get in the kitchen, She would see me and get all excited! I would throw my stuff down, and pick her up and love on her and talk to my mom for a few and before I knew it, it was time to get Haley and Megan from they bus stop, I would sometimes take Tegan with me and I loved having Tegan in my arms and Haley on one side and Megan on the other, or on days I didn't bring Tegan with me, I would each girls hand, and I loved it.<br />When I was about 18-20 Haley became my little Mini me, She wanted to everything I did. It reminded me of how I always wanted to be like my sister and was her mini me, and here is her daughter doing the same to me. It was so wonderful. Haley was my best friend. She was the one I asked on how I looked because if it looked bad, She was going to be honest about it! If I was sad, She was the one I wanted to hug and talk to, to feel better. I never realized just how much I really meant to her until I moved here to Kentucky. </div>
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My move here was.... unplanned. I came here to visit between the days of March 8-16. When I came here, I knew I didn't want to leave, I was so happy, I had the love of my life ( whom on the 8th was my first time meeting in person. We talked on the phone for a few months ) and I had my brother who is mainly part of the reason why I was able to come to know Travis. Me and my brother are close so I knew if I moved here I wouldn't be so far away from my family. Anyways, Haley was heartbroken, I felt the worst. But I knew that she would eventually adjust and that I could still talk to her and be her role model.</div>
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I moved here on March 8th I guess you could say technically. We were married on March 17th 2011, and a couple weeks later we drove to Indiana, and I spent all my time with my family and at 1am the next day, we packed up a small carload of my things and we left. It was hard... but I so happy to be in Kentucky. I wish I could move my whole family here! I've been up to Indiana 1 time since. <br />Anyways, I'm rambling. <br />I started volunteer work for Erins House for Grieving children. I worked with children aged 6-9 and that was so wonderful and rewarding. I wish I could have continued doing it, But the unplanned moved here cancelled that. I am thankful that I was able to spend time doing that when I had the opportunity... there was such wonderful people there and I learned a lot... and I think I grew up some.<br />I've always wanted to be a mother... on May 11, 2011 me and Travis found out we were pregnant. We only knew because I started feeling a little sick and we took a test a few days before my body told me I was and it was positive.... I was so happy... WE were so happy. I was thrilled to know that we were having a baby so raise and to be parents. after just a few weeks we knew that if we had a girl, her name would be Chloe Lee and if we had a boy his name would be Travis Brady, but we would call him Brady. <br />Before we found out the sex of the baby, I was convinced I was having a boy because I had a dream about having a baby boy, and my dad only has granddaughters so in a way I wanted a boy for him. My mother and Sister in laws said I was having a girl, and I was thinking secretly " that would be so awesome! " We found out we were having a girl and I was SO excited! I was going to be a mommy to a little girl! I remember my mom telling me about how she told my dad and all he said was "oh". *smiles & giggles* He really wanted a boy.... but he has a soft spot for his granddaughter. The pregnancy went fine until one night, me and Travis were laying on the bed watching a football game I think. I kept cramping, and it wouldn't go away for over an hour. I had a Dr's appointment the next day but I knew I had to go to the hospital . I was about 25 weeks when that happened. The nurse hooked me up to the monitors and she checked me and told me it was a good thing I had came in because I was already 1cm dilated and was having contractions. I stayed over night at the hospital and Thankfully my Drs office/OBGYN is right next to the hospital, They said I was now on bed rest and they wheeled me over to my appointment. I remember some of the women looking at me funny. I went in for an ultrasound and they stated looking at Chloe and they didn't really say anything besides to come back on 'Thursday' for another Ultrasound, it was a Monday morning when this happened. I went back for my ultrasound and That iswhen a lot of things started happening....<br /><br />I'm going to give you all a cliffhanger, Things really start to get intentse after this.<br /><br />I love being a Mother and The Good Lord can bless us again with another Child, EB free. My husbands cousin had a baby 30 years ago born with EB. Chloe is buried just a few feet away from him... She had another Child, and they don't have EB. The Lord works in ways we may not understand. But I do pray for another child, and for that child to not have EB. Some may not agree, some may think some awful things about us, for me saying that. But I have faith... I've seen the Lord move. Chloe wasn't supposed to live past St. Patrick's day weekend, but she lived a week longer. <br /><br />More to come in the next couple days, and my good friend Mollie has been working and being so amazing at getting some memorial T-Shirts ready to sell, Might have them ready to purchase by the end of the week!<br /><br /><b>Matthew 7:7</b><br /><b><span style="color: red;">Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:</span></b><br /><br /><b>Matthew 21:21-22</b><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;">21</span><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span>Jesus answered them and said unto them, <span style="color: red;">Verily I say unto you, if ye have faith and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree but also if ye shall say into this mountain, be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done</span> </b><span style="font-size: x-small;">22 </span><b><span style="color: red;">and all things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing ye shall receive<br /><br /><br /><br /></span></b></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I took 4 test to make sure I was pregnant, this is one of them :)</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">you can see her little arms and legs! I got some great ultrasound pictures! </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Its a girl!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Her foot!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She started to yawn</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">one of my favorite ultrasound pictures, Love that little bump nose.</td></tr>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Pr8eGwyu1-0/T7Cx2-s4_BI/AAAAAAAAATs/zCCWtTRuekw/s1600/310601_10150275577010911_7702999_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Pr8eGwyu1-0/T7Cx2-s4_BI/AAAAAAAAATs/zCCWtTRuekw/s320/310601_10150275577010911_7702999_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another one of my favorites. At one ultrasound I got to see her start sucking her thumb, It was amazing!</td></tr>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OjKzOuKWRqA/T7Cx58opNFI/AAAAAAAAAUM/2A5DjgGHOfA/s1600/392326_10150359572095911_669850910_8849335_837675276_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="244" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OjKzOuKWRqA/T7Cx58opNFI/AAAAAAAAAUM/2A5DjgGHOfA/s320/392326_10150359572095911_669850910_8849335_837675276_n.jpg" width="320" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BU7gV4x9tiw/T7Cx3Z8BD3I/AAAAAAAAAT0/UTj0hBF9KEU/s1600/312096_10150359572040911_669850910_8849334_443137267_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="252" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BU7gV4x9tiw/T7Cx3Z8BD3I/AAAAAAAAAT0/UTj0hBF9KEU/s320/312096_10150359572040911_669850910_8849334_443137267_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></b></div>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-7420213926707940532012-05-04T23:01:00.003-04:002012-05-04T23:01:24.579-04:00<div style="text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://support.childrenscancer.org/site/TR/Events/TimetoFly?px=1506172&pg=personal&fr_id=1190">http://support.childrenscancer.org/site/TR/Events/TimetoFly?px=1506172&pg=personal&fr_id=1190</a><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Any money that is raised for the PUCK fund, This grant will match 100%! EVERY DOLLAR COUNTS!</span><br />
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<a href="http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/?action=view&current=Sig_Elephant.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="181" src="http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/Sig_Elephant.png" width="200" /></a></div>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-47811552311443485272012-05-04T18:22:00.000-04:002012-05-04T18:22:47.666-04:00FaceBook<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Chloe is now on FACEBOOK! Check her www.Facebook.com/ChloeLeeJones</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-n1gWhfZcxZU/T6RWqx06f2I/AAAAAAAAASg/Nu849l1p48E/s1600/DSCF9430+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-n1gWhfZcxZU/T6RWqx06f2I/AAAAAAAAASg/Nu849l1p48E/s320/DSCF9430+-+Copy.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Super cool Girly now!<br /></div>
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<a href="http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/?action=view&current=Sig_Elephant.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="181" src="http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/Sig_Elephant.png" width="200" /></a></div>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-48562590836299024112012-04-21T14:30:00.001-04:002012-04-21T14:31:49.450-04:00Carla's Angel Pin<div style="text-align: center;">
Thank you Carla!!!!!! To order your Chloe Angel Pin for only $16.95 click<a href="http://www.carlasangels.com/chloe-EB-angel-pin.htm"> HERE</a> or on the picture! </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.carlasangels.com/chloe-EB-angel-pin.htm" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" qda="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Wo16OaC7CDo/T5L8lT0AeVI/AAAAAAAAASU/r-Xc5KAP9JY/s1600/chloe-EB-angel-pin.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
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<a href="http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/?action=view&current=Sig_Elephant.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="181" src="http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/Sig_Elephant.png" width="200" /></a></div>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-69116895767325810442012-04-19T00:45:00.003-04:002012-04-19T00:45:32.468-04:00Donations<div style="text-align: center;">
Hey everyone, we are still taking donations! We need the donations to help go to getting Chloe a nice tomb stone! </div>
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<a href="http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/?action=view&current=Sig_Elephant.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="181" src="http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/Sig_Elephant.png" width="200" /></a></div>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-32334788152173838602012-04-18T19:23:00.001-04:002012-04-18T19:23:12.404-04:00VOTE!!!!GO TO THIS FACEBOOK PAGE AND CLICK ON THE FIRST ANGLE YOU SEE AND COMMENT WITH CHLOE'S NAME!!!!! THERE ARE ALREADY LOTS OF CHLOE AS COMMENTS BUT WE NEED MORE!!!!!!! THEY WILL RENAME THE ANGLE AFTER HER IF SHE WINS!!!! CLICK <a href="http://www.facebook.com/carlas.angel.pins">HERE</a> TO GO TO THERE FACEBOOK PAGE!!!!<br />
<a href="http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/?action=view&current=Sig_Elephant.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="181" src="http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/Sig_Elephant.png" width="200" /></a>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-7344026310437664382012-04-17T03:55:00.000-04:002012-04-17T03:55:11.616-04:00Makeover!<div style="text-align: center;">
Just Elephants and Butterflies got a makeover! Hope you all enjoy! And yes that is my signature down at the bottom! Thank you David with Swift Evolutions on helping me out with that!!!!! To find out more about Swift Evoloutions Click <a href="http://www.swiftevolutions.com/">HERE</a>!<br />More post to come soon! </div>
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Love, </div>
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<a href="http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/?action=view&current=Sig_Elephant.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="181" src="http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/Sig_Elephant.png" width="200" /></a></div>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2115652047667413924.post-38692221934656978992012-04-15T05:41:00.003-04:002012-04-15T05:48:06.083-04:00WorkTravis will be getting to work again here soon... Just thinking about it makes me nervous. Travis works nights and I don't much care for being by my self. Back when I was home and Travis was working... I had Chloe... inside my belly.... and I would poke her and talk to her all the time.... since May 11th 2011 when I found out I was pregnant, I have had Chloe with me. The best thing I can think of to do is pray and pray and ask for strength. When Trav gets back to work, I plan on really getting into writing a book. I LOVE telling people about Chloe and how she helped me get closer to God and I want to use our testimony to help others. This wouldn't be a book just about EB, about dealing with an infant loss, or about a a babie, I plan on it to help people get closer to God and to help their faith. Chloe helped me and Travis get closer to God and that was her purpose here here on Earth. So many people have told me that me and Travis have helped their faith and their personal walk with Jesus and it is flattering to hear, but me and Travis are not anyone special. Jesus doesn't have any respect to person, He loves us all the same. He will send trials to those who he feels he can handle it. Jesus had to be born to do the Lords will and to go to heaven, and Chloe had to be born before Jesus could take her as an angle. I believe that it is so special that Jesus chose Chloe so early.... as an infant.... she was complete innocence and sin free. She had no knowledge of the evils of this world.... but... God sent Chloe to help touch each and every life she has touched... If you feel as Chloe or me and Travis have helped you... remember it wasn't us... its the Lord... He reaching out to you though people to help you become closer to him. We have no idea what can happen to us... and maybe though this blog or another... it will help you deal with a trial that God may send you sometime down the road.<br />
The past couple days I have been so sad and missing her so much.... and the only time when I felt peace come back was when I was down at the alter praying at church. " He will send a spirit with joy and peace within, just hold on for the storm is almost over" ( from a church song, I Know the Man) Its so hard to remember to pray and cry out to him until we really need to lean on him;.... but everyone has a moment in there day where they are not to busy with life to get down and pray.... me and Travis used to not pray... but Chloe was born and we need the Lord to help us and we started to pray... and we changed and we became closer to God all by praying.<br />
I am sorry if I type to much and get off sentence easy, I cant help it.. I Just want everyone who reads this and who knows me that the Lord is truly helping and and moving in my life. We have an anazing and supportive church we go to and I want everyone who reads this blog , who is finding the Lord though us to know to just pray and the Lord is always with you and he loves the Children and I know that Chloe as been held in the arms of Jesus and she gets to run around and play and I take so much comfort in that. Chloe was born to this earth with the Lords will in mind and she left this earth with us praying for the Lords will to be done. Chloe had a perfect life... That is why she was made too perfect for this world, with her skin and body as fragile as it was... Heaven is the only place she can be safe so that her skin doesn't get hurt. "God made her for heaven"<br />
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<a href="http://s1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/?action=view&current=elepmegan.png" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u483/Jebchloe/elepmegan.png" /></a></div>
A Poem written by Bro. Micheal Leger. ( He also preached at Chloe's Service, and preaches at the church we go to! He wrote and read this poem for Chloe, at her service )<br />
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God made you for Heaven, </div>
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So with us, you couldn't stay. </div>
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As He formed you with His gentle hand,</div>
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He had a plan all along the way.</div>
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He knew He had lots of Children</div>
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To play while the Angels would sing</div>
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But He didn't have any little children</div>
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With beautiful butterfly wings.</div>
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So the doctors delivered the news</div>
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And we took it as such a surprise </div>
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But God in Heaven was smiling</div>
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As bitter tears were filling our eyes</div>
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<br /></div>
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God made you for heaven</div>
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Not to grow in this life gone wrong</div>
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You were too sweet and precious</div>
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To stay here on earth too long</div>
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<br /></div>
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You were a sweet lil butterfly baby</div>
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Comforted by mommy's dear love</div>
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But now you're with God forever</div>
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To wear your bright wings up above</div>
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<br /></div>
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It wasn't a disease or imperfection, </div>
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You weren't a just sick little girl, </div>
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God just made you for heaven, </div>
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Cause you were too perfect for this world.</div>
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-Bro. Micheal Leger-</div>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464792429311896236noreply@blogger.com3