Friday, June 8, 2012

Missing you

On the 4th of this month, Chloe would have turned 6 months old. It is extreamly hard to belive that it has been 6 months since I had her, since I first saw her little face and gave her, her first kiss. I have days where I think about Chloe and all I can do is smile and laugh about how adorable she was and how she had a personality all her own. I love thinking and laughing about how because she had such big eyes she would look so worried, it was adorbale, We would have her sitting slightly up and she would sit there and fold her hands together and look around.  She was so grown up.

But then there are other days... Days like today... where I started to think about her, and all I could do was cry. and I have to take a few deep breaths and gain composer again. I feel so empty at times without her... Its hard to explain... I had a baby, a beautiful baby girl. And on her 6th month birthday, all I could think about was all the smiles I'm missing, hearing her laugh, talk, walk...and grow up.... It makes me so sad.
When I get to go to heaven, where there is no time, and I get to spend eternity with all her giggles and smiles and talking and pure love. I can't wait for that day. Until then I cry out to Jesus and ask for strength. I feel so tired sometimes. I know that other who are going through the same as me will be able to understand this. I've read others talking about the same feeling of pure exhaustion of grieving.

On the 4th I also went through her box of things. It was hard with a few items, but it helped a lot. I feel like my memory of her is getting better... I dunno how to explain it, maybe others understand what I mean... It just seems like when I think about her, my memories are more vivid and I remember a lot more of the days I had with her. Its a blessing I will say. I am thankful for that. Its helped my faith.

2 Peter 3:8
But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.

John 14:26
But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

Her signs and notes

outfit I dressed her in after she passed away

prints after she passed away

prayer clothes

Chloe's memory box. Laptop ontop to show size

Made by: Kathy's Glitter Kreations, From Lewis and Debbie

bracelets and measuring tape that was used to measure her belly

From the small casket that the hospital gave us. 

I made this in Memory of Chloe. Butterflies are made from her funeral memorials

lock of her hair. It fell out of the ribbon, but thats okay

This has a very special story.