October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. This month mean so much to me because not only is it awareness for that, but the last week of October is EB awareness week.
I want to talk about pregnancy and infant loss.
When it comes to infant loss, everyone knows you are pregnant and in most cases, everyone is expecting a healthy baby to arrive. When the baby is born, the baby could be as expected, completely healthy, or the baby could have more complications. There are many reasons as to way a baby may pass away, such as: SIDS, Genetic disease or disorders, infections, heart defects, prematurity, car accidents, and even shaken baby syndrome, to name a few. No matter the reason, losing a child is a very difficult process to go through. one day you seem completely fine, then suddenly you are crying because you saw baby clothing while getting groceries at the store. There are lots of triggers to a bereaved mother that no one understand besides a fellow bereaved mother. Those around the bereaved who do not understand and make the mother feel as if she is forced to do things she is not ready for will only make her grief and depression worse. Take time to listen to the mother, there are silent things she endures every day that she may not discuses so she can appear strong, so she can try and be happy, so she can move foreword and not dwell. What ever her reason may be take her feelings into consideration. If talk of babies make her uncomfortable, try not to bring up the discussion of babies, as this will only make her focus more on her own baby. Go at Mommy's pace. When she feels ready to talk about babies, then let her speak and get the emotions out. Letting Mommy talk is the best thing for her. When a bereaved mother talks about her loss, its much more then her just sharing her emotions, she is acting as a voice for the baby, and not letting him go forgotten. For a bereaved mother, talking is so more complex then what anyone understands. Its not a conversation that will be forgotten later that day. The conversation is her being the voice for her baby, she is letting emotions go, she is healing, and also experiencing new emotions. She will likely reflect on how the conversation went later on, so be carful on your words, as something you say innocently, she may find offensive, and that may be part of the grief process.
Pregnancy loss is a silent grief that not many people will know the mother is experiencing. I never knew the heart ache of a miscarriage until this week. I got to positive pregnancy test then a few days later miscarried the baby. I was 4 weeks along. While still very early I do not know what it would be like to lose a baby that is further along, but because of losing Chloe, and this early miscarriage, I have an idea of what it may be like. when you get to hear the baby's heart beating for the very first time, it becomes so real, and being able to see the baby on the ultra sound, you see this little being growing inside you. Its the most amazing thing in the world in my opinion. Most people will tell their immediate family about the loss, some do not especially if the woman has a history of miscarriages she may not want to get the families hopes up until she knows the baby is thriving. if she miscarries, she is left with the empty feeling of loss, and what could have been. She can share that grief with her family, but if she choose not to tell anyone then she is left with this silent sorrow that no one knows she going through. When I saw that pregnancy test say I was pregnant I wanted to tell all of my friends and outside family that I was expecting on Chloe's birthday. that would have put me at ten weeks along if I counted correctly. Even though I miscarried very early, what if I had carried the baby till 9 weeks and was getting ready to announce the pregnancy. With all the support that surrounds me, I may not have even been able to mention the pregnancy publicly as compared to it being very early. I would have been alone, and without the support of my EB community family, and my distance friends. While everyone can send me messages or talk to me over the phone or in person, I may seem like I am happy and getting along just fine, but deep inside I am hurting and grieving a loss of a small little life.
You could walk into a room and see 20 women smiling, they could look like they have not a care in the world, but statistically 5 of those women, have had a pregnancy or infant loss. You may not see it on their face, they may not show any emotion related to grief. They hide it very well, but inside their heart is grieving a life that you may never knew about. One in four women have a pregnancy or infant loss I am one in four. If I take a look at Me compared to my in laws (not counting the one who is currently pregnant) In us four woman I am the one. I am the one who has had the infant loss. It isn't no ones fault that this is happened to me. It is not the statics fault this happened to me.
I believe that God as a plan for all of us, even the little babies who go to heaven. We may not see it or understand it right now, but if we live right and serve the lord like we are to, we will one day be able to know that reason. I like to think that Chloe's reason of being here then going back to heaven was to get me and my husband to give our life to the Lord. She motived us to pray and go to church. She has helped give us a reason to strive for heaven even more now so that we can see her one day.
The first few months of a loss, everything seems hopeless, and even years after, if another loss is experience things may seem even more hopeless, but we have to remain strong and keep our faith in the Lord strong so we can heal, and one day when Gods timing is perfect, we will find our hope when God sends a little healthy miracle.
9 He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord.
29 For, behold, the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck.
21 And Isaac intreated the Lord for his wife, because she was barren: and the Lord was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived