Wednesday, October 31, 2012


Me and Travis have decided to stop trying for another baby. There are lots of people who try for years, but me and Travis... we just can't. It is so emotionally hard. I was 14 days late, and we were unsuccessful.  It is emotionally draining. I feel like I haven't stopped crying since last night.  I am so emotionally drained.  Chloe passing away took a lot from me, and with each unsuccessful month it feels like a little more is being took. I guess I'm just having a time of sadness/depression, I don't know. When you are trying to get pregnant it seems like everyone else is getting pregnant besides you, and I feel like if we stop maybe some of that anxiety will go away, this anxiety that I feel like no one understands. 
In  a previous post I wrote about how I feel like I'm stuck in the house all time, I still am. And I think it is making things worse. I feel like a burden when I want to go out and do something. I don't like relying on other people so much and if I rely on Travis then I'm taking away from his sleep for work. I just feel like no one understands.  I miss holding my baby in my arms.  I miss seeing her big blue eyes and feeling her little 41/2 pound, body on my chest while I held her. That was her favorite place to be. I miss how whenever I talked to her, she would stare right at me, and when I stopped she would look around for me. I felt like a mother. All I want to be is a mother.  

The only person who truly  understands is the Lord

Here is a good question,
How do you move forward when you feel like you're not moving at all.

Psalm 31:24
Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord



  1. Oh sweet, Megan! Your words always inspire me. You are so faithful. You are such an amazing servant to Christ:) May you always feel HIS presence upon you and Travis. I have heard so many people say that once they STOP trying to conceive it happens. I pray that will be the case for the two of you. I so wish that me and Mollie Walker lived closer. That way, I'd finally be able to meet Mollie and you as well. Maybe one day our paths will cross. Until then, I'm here praying!
    -Sharee Wells

  2. Megan~ I am so very sorry for your loss!!! Your daughter is so beautiful, and now she is an angel watching over you and your husband. My tears flow for you today because your pain is evident. Know that you are NEVER alone~ God is ALWAYS with you, and even we strangers are standing when you cannot and praying for your healing and peace! Much love and prayers from the entire Recinos Family in Lancaster, CA!!!

  3. Dear Megan & Travis, Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. Beautiful angel Chloe, we will never forget you. Love and God Bless, Kerrie xOx