Standstill

Me and Travis have decided to stop trying for another baby. There are lots of people who try for years, but me and Travis... we just can't. It is so emotionally hard. I was 14 days late, and we were unsuccessful.  It is emotionally draining. I feel like I haven't stopped crying since last night.  I am so emotionally drained.  Chloe passing away took a lot from me, and with each unsuccessful month it feels like a little more is being took. I guess I'm just having a time of sadness/depression, I don't know. When you are trying to get pregnant it seems like everyone else is getting pregnant besides you, and I feel like if we stop maybe some of that anxiety will go away, this anxiety that I feel like no one understands. 

In  a previous post I wrote about how I feel like I'm stuck in the house all time, I still am. And I think it is making things worse. I feel like a burden when I want to go out and do something. I don't like relying on other people so much and if I rely on Travis then I'm taking away from his sleep for work. I just feel like no one understands.  I miss holding my baby in my arms.  I miss seeing her big blue eyes and feeling her little 41/2 pound, body on my chest while I held her. That was her favorite place to be. I miss how whenever I talked to her, she would stare right at me, and when I stopped she would look around for me. I felt like a mother. All I want to be is a mother.  

The only person who truly  understands is the Lord

Here is a good question,

How do you move forward when you feel like you're not moving at all.

Psalm 31:24

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord